Divorce, Children, and School

 Posted on December 00,0000 in Children of divorce

The effects of divorce can ripple outward and impact family members, not just in their personal lives, but in every aspect of their daily routine. The consequences of a divorce on children are widely accepted, and behavior and performance at school are among those concerns. Knowing some strategies to deal with school-related issues can allow a parent to help their child(ren) when it is needed most.

How Can a Divorced Parent Help Their Child at School?

After a divorce your life is different, and you are dealing with issues that perhaps were handled previously by your spouse. One of the areas you may need to become more involved in the educational experience of your child. Here are some ideas you may find helpful.

• Talk to the teachers. Most schools send a schedule, with teachers’ names, home before school starts. Call or Email each one with a quick “heads up” about the divorce, especially if it is recent. Spare them the details, but ask the teacher to stay in touch should they notice any issues.

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Where to Look for Hidden Assets

 Posted on December 00,0000 in Divorce Finances

If you are headed for a divorce, an amicable parting and division of marital property definitely is the best case scenario. However, it does happen when one party may attempt to conceal certain assets or even disguise the value of property in an attempt to get out of the marriage with more than the other party.

What to Look For and Where to Look

Here are a few things to look for when faced with a divorce, especially if you think it is something your spouse may have been planning for some time.

• Large sums of cash can be converted into artwork, jewelry, new tools, appliances, or sports equipment. If you notice a number of new purchases it is important to keep track of the date purchased and the value of the items.
• Using joint savings to suddenly repay a large debt. This allows the spouse to avoid carrying the debt after the divorce but have it settled with marital assets.

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The Importance of Communication during Divorce

 Posted on December 00,0000 in Divorce

Many believe that open and honest communication is an important part of maintaining a good relationship. However, that same thing can be said for those going through a divorce who wish to find a fast resolution, as well as need to maintain some form of relationship with their ex-spouse once the marriage has ended.

Keeping the Lines of Communication Open and Positive

No two people begin a marriage with the thought that it will end prematurely. However, open and calm communication tends to be more productive in seeing the divorce through to a satisfying resolution. Here are few tips to consider while attempting to maintain open communication during your divorce.

• Although they may be the last person to whom you wish to speak, sitting across a table from your spouse to discuss how each foresees divorce proceedings taking place can help each better prepare for the coming months.

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Habits That End Marriages

 Posted on December 00,0000 in Divorce

Everyone has a habit that others find annoying or irritating, but something like biting one’s fingernails probably doesn’t qualify as a marriage breaker. However, those who work with couples and deal with divorce tend to hear about the things that spouses do that ultimately lead to the end of a marriage.

Potentially Destructive Behavior

While infidelity certainly has a damaging impact on any marriage, there are far more subtle actions a spouse might engage in that can harm a partner and move a relationship beyond the point of repair. If you engage in any of the following behaviors or recognize them in your spouse, it might be a red flag that your marriage is headed for divorce:

• Fixating on the other person’s shortcomings: Perhaps they are not as funny as a previous partner or don’t clean the kitchen as well as you’d like, even keeping mental notes on these perceived failings could spell doom.

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Heading for Divorce?

 Posted on December 00,0000 in Divorce

Over the course of any marriage, spouses will fight. It is a fact. However,  the subject of those fights and the ways in which spouses choose to fight (or not fight) can dictate whether or not a fight is but a precursor to divorce. A fight does not have to signal the end of a relationship, especially if it is about something that a couple can work through with some effort and common sense.

What Are You Fighting About?

Difference pertaining to the handling of finances frequently are the cause of fights between spouses. However, not all fights are about mishandling the checking account. Here’s a list of things couples fight about that might seem minor, but have proven to create major battles in some relationships.

• The remote control: Spouses have been known to quarrel over who holds the remote, how loud is the TV and what to watch. Perhaps this is why many homes have more than one television set.

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Property Division for Unmarried Couples

 Posted on December 00,0000 in Division of Property

It was an issue first reviewed by the Illinois Supreme Court more than 35 years ago, and the justices ruled then that common law marriages would not be recognized in this state. This meant non-married, cohabiting partners, regardless of the length of their relationship, could not claim rights to property owned by the other person. This ruling was upheld earlier this month when the Illinois high court decided that unmarried domestic couples had no rights to a partner’s property when the relationship ends.

Marriage and Cohabitation Not the Same, When a Relationship Ends

Many couples do not believe marriage is the right way to affirm their relationship. In fact, there are many couples who live together for long periods of time, even outlasting their married counterparts. However, the end of a relationship not licensed by the state through marriage can provide for some drama when it ends if one feels they are entitled to part of the property and assets amassed during their time together. However, in its most recent ruling, the state’s high court again confirmed that division of certain property and assets held by unmarried couples was not subject to the same laws as those impacting married couples going through a divorce.

• When first considered, the Illinois Supreme Court reasoned the issue as a way to uphold a policy that discouraged cohabitation of unmarried partners, and any children resulting from the relationship.

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Divorce and Its Effect on College Students

 Posted on December 00,0000 in Children of divorce

The social and emotional effects of divorce on children are often discussed in reference to those in high school or younger. However, a divorce can have a very unsettling impact on college-age students who themselves are adults.

Away at School Does Not Mean Less Stress

It is difficult enough when children experience the divorce of their parents while everyone is living under the same roof. However, the anxiety and uncertainty can be magnified when a child learns of the divorce while living away at college.  Questions and issues about the divorce can compound a student’s anxiety about being away from home and the academic pressures of college life.

• The student left home that will have been dramatically altered the next time they return from school. It is not uncommon for the student to feel a sense of loss or not belonging to any one household after the parents split.

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What Happens When a Death Occurs During Divorce?

 Posted on December 00,0000 in Divorce

The divorce process is fraught with questions and uncertainty. It also results in heightened anxiety and feelings of depression, anger, relief and a variety of other emotions. However, that uncertainty and swirl of emotions can reach a new level if one spouse unexpectedly dies prior to a final divorce decree.

From Almost Ex-Spouses to Widow (or Widower)

In addition to the legal issues under review as part of the divorce, the surviving spouse often must deal with questions pertaining to how to grieve and handling expressions of condolence from others. While the legal path to resolve matters may be more clear, both it and the emotional side of things can present challenges.

From the legal aspect:

• A difficult matter takes on a new level of complexity.
• When your spouse dies prior to a finalized divorce this does not entitle you to immediately take possession of all the assets that were the subject of division negotiations.

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Gray Divorce: When Senior Citizens Divorce

 Posted on December 00,0000 in Gray Divorce

Most people probably think a divorce occurs after a couple of years of marriage, or while the spouses are still relatively young. While that may have been true during the 1970s and 1980s, a new phenomenon has developed as more and more adults over the age of 50 are now taking steps to end their marriages later in life.

Why Is “Gray Divorce” Happening Now?

The idea of grandpa and grandma going through divorce is now more common than ever. While that is an image many find difficult to comprehend, the fact remains that more and more seniors are divorcing now than ever before.

• Older adults divorcing now are members of the baby boomer generation and tend to believe in the pursuit of happiness, even at the expense of ending a long marriage.
• Baby boomers who divorced in the 1970s and 1980s frequently remarried. The rate of divorce among those in a second or third marriage is higher than among those in a first marriage.

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Bad Divorce Advice

 Posted on December 00,0000 in Life After Divorce

When considering a divorce, or while you are going through this highly emotional and stressful experience, perhaps the last thing anyone wants to hear is a lot of advice about how to handle the whole process. A divorce is a very personal matter. It would be rare that any two divorces are exactly alike, so it is unlikely that advice from one will fit the needs of another.

Do What is Best for You

No one knows or understands your marriage experience better than you, so applying the advice of others to a very personal matter, such as a divorce, may prove to be quite counterproductive. Here is a sample of some advice that might be right for some, but could be considered quite bad depending on an individual’s circumstances. If you hear this advice from friends or family, proceed with caution.

• Separate as soon as possible and cut off all contact. Not only will this create an adversarial relationship with your spouse, but also could negatively impact your relationship with your children.

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