Posted on December 00,0000 in Children of divorce

No family ever plans to split in divorce, but sometimes situations arise in a marriage that make divorce the best and healthiest decision for everyone involved. Breaking the news to children that you and your spouse will be ending your marriage is tough – there is no way around it. However, there are steps you can take to make the process of telling your children about the divorce less painful than it has to be.

• Keep conversations age-appropriate: Obviously, the conversation about splitting up will be different with a four-year-old and a 16-year-old. It is important to use age-appropriate language with a small child when explaining how their lives will change. A very small child will not understand words like “divorce,” “separation,” and “shared custody.”  On the other hand, an older child can understand more about how his or her life will change and will understand concepts like living in two households or court appearances.

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 Posted on December 00,0000 in Illinois Law

In an effort to stay current and updated with regards to the family laws, in early 2016 the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA) was updated to reflect some slight, yet useful, changes that are helpful to note.

Previously, the main responsibility of caring for the child was referred to as “custody” of the child. As of January 1, 2016, we now refer to child custody as the “allocation of parenting responsibilities”. With the change in terminology, the state also took the common parenting responsibilities and separated them in order to allocate each responsibility to one or both parents. Another common term, “legal custody” was removed with this update and replaced with “decision-making responsibilities”. This particular term is in reference to religion, education, health, and extracurricular activities.

In this day and age, there are more and more fathers who feel that the laws and regulations surrounding allocation of parenting responsibilities (aka “custody”) and visitation lean heavily in the mother’s favor regardless of which parent would best benefit the child. However, particular aspects regarding these family law changes may take away some concern you have when entering in the decision to battle for visitation and / or custody of your child.

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 Posted on December 00,0000 in Divorce

When you are involved in a long-term committed relationship or a marriage—communication is one of the most important keys to happiness. Those who are able to communicate tend to enjoy higher levels of marital satisfaction and a better understanding of one another. Those who cannot or who only speak to one another superficially are likely to find their marriage spiraling quickly toward divorce.

The Concept of Stonewalling

Spouses can easily become frustrated with each other for any number of reasons. The stresses of day-to-day life can begin to drive a wedge between marital partners. Careless behavior, bad habits, and other minor annoyances start to become major issues if and when communication breaks down.

Marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph.D., was the first relationship expert to use the term “stonewalling” to describe the behavior of a spouse who refuses to engage in conversation with his or her partner. Stonewalling, in effect, is one partner shutting down and preventing effective communication from taking place.

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 Posted on December 00,0000 in Parental Rights

Many marriages are gravely damaged or even destroyed by substance use every year. Addiction to drugs and alcohol puts additional stress on a relationship, builds resentment between spouses, execrates financial hardship, and can sometimes contribute to infidelity.

Troubling Numbers Regarding Drinking and Divorce

A study published in Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs gives numerical data to this correlation.  Researchers from the University of Michigan studied more than 17,100 individuals in order to compare divorce rates involving people with a serious alcohol-use problem and with that of those that did not. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the divorce rate of those couples which included an alcoholic spouse was higher than the divorce rate of those couples which did not report an issue with alcohol. Specifically, 48.3 percent of individuals with an alcohol-use problem were divorced at some point in their lives while only 30 percent of individuals without an alcohol-use disorder were ever divorced.

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 Posted on December 00,0000 in Divorce

October is Domestic Awareness Month, and it is important to note that domestic violence is not limited to physical actions like hitting and kicking. In many cases, emotional abuse or psychological abuse can be just as destructive as physical abuse, and can certainly lead to the breakdown of a marriage. In fact, for many years, repeated mental or emotional cruelty was considered grounds for divorce in Illinois. While all divorces in the state must now be on the no-fault grounds of irreconcilable differences, it is still important to be able to recognize such victimization when it occurs. One type of this emotional abuse is referred to as “gaslighting.”

Does your partner often deny any knowledge of events or conversations that you know took place? On the opposite end, does he or she insist things happened which did not? Does he or she accuse you of misremembering past events? Does your partner ever insist that you said or did something of which you have no relocation? If so, you may be a victim of gaslighting.

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 Posted on December 00,0000 in Divorce

As most people are aware, somewhere between 30 and 40 percent of all marriages today will eventually end in divorce. While this number has declined in recent years, a 60-70 percent success rate for marriage is still not all that encouraging. Marriages can break down for any number of reasons, and, in most cases, divorce is the result of a combination of many factors, some within the spouses’ control and some not.

A Challenging Journey

The process of divorce, however, can be extremely difficult with many decisions to be made and arrangements to be negotiated. This does not even take into account the emotional and psychological struggle that many divorcing individuals go through as the process goes along. The cumulative effect of all of the difficulties can be overwhelming at times, but some experts suggest that there may be a way to ease your mind a little and to provide emotional relief to your spouse at the same time. Confessing, or taking responsibility for wrongs you may have committed, can go a long way in making the divorce process much smoother for the both of you.

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 Posted on December 00,0000 in Divorce

Do you know a couple who intentionally chose to get married on a particular date based on how the month, day, and year coincided—January 2, 2003, for example, often written as 1/2/03? Or perhaps you know a couple who plan to get married on Valentine’s Day. While such choices are often seen as quirky or romantic, new research suggests that couples who marry on dates that may be considered gimmicky could be at a higher risk for divorce than those who choose more traditional dates.

Australian Study

Economists at the University of Melbourne in Australia were interested in learning more about the impact that a couple’s wedding day could have on the future of the marriage. The team cited previous research suggesting that expensive weddings and pricey engagement rings increased the risk of divorce while well-attended weddings with formal ceremonies decreased such risks. Looking to expand these ideas, the Australian team looked at more than one million Dutch marriages from 1999-2013 and examined how the choice of a wedding date fared for couples on average.

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 Posted on December 00,0000 in Children of divorce

While the rate of divorce has been on the decline for the last several years—at least according to most estimates—there was a period between the late 1970s and early 1980s at which the divorce rate reached its peak. About half of all of the marriages that took place during that time eventually ended in divorce. The children who were born during that same period largely comprise the generation collectively known as millennials. Much has been written about the differences millennials and the generations which preceded them—Generation X and the Baby Boomers—with one of the most glaring being millennials’ approach to religion. Today, one in four Americans—and nearly 40 percent of millennials—do not associate themselves with any particular faith or religion, a drastic increase from the 5 percent in 1972.

Religion and Divorce

A recent study suggests that there may, in fact, be a connection between the increase in divorce rate and the decrease in religious participation. According to research conducted by the Public Religion Research Institute, children of divorced parents are much more likely to have no religious affiliation as adults. The study found that 35 percent of those whose parents were divorced during their childhood identify as non-religious, compared to 23 percent of those whose parents were together during most of their childhood.

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 Posted on December 00,0000 in Parental Rights

The decision to file for divorce is always a difficult one, but the challenges are often magnified when the situation involves children. While issues like marital property and spousal support are certainly important, the future of your children and your parental rights should never take a back seat to more material concerns. The judge overseeing your divorce has authority under the law to issue orders regarding your children, but the process should begin with the two people who know your children the best: you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse.

Statutory Encouragement

The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act presumes that divorcing parents will have an interest in developing a parenting plan that fits their individual circumstances and serves the best interests of their children. Therefore, divorcing parents are expected to draft and submit a proposed arrangement to the court. Each parent may draft a separate plan or the parents can work together on a single proposal. If the parents submit a jointly-drafted plan, the court must review it to be sure that it is reasonable and that the child’s interests are fully protected.

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 Posted on December 00,0000 in Divorce

When a marriage has reached a certain point, each spouse is at a crossroads of their own. You and your partner have the ability to decide whether to work together on improving the relationship or to admit that nothing more can be done to save the marriage. Obviously, the decision to work on reviving the marriage requires both of you to be on the same page and pulling in the same direction overall. If both of you choose to end the marriage, the divorce process can begin without delay. What happens, however, if you are ready for a divorce but your spouse wants to keep fighting for the relationship?

Be Absolutely Sure

Before you tell your spouse that you are ready for the marriage to be over, you need to be completely certain that is what you want. A divorce is a life-changing event that can lead to serious emotional reactions and psychological effect for years to come. When ending a marriage is necessary, such challenges are an accepted part of seeking new, post-divorce life, but it is not fair to you or your spouse for you to be casual about your decision. Talk to a counselor or a spiritual advisor become making your decision. Remember, if fixing your marriage does not work, divorce will always be an option, but the same is not true in reverse.

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