Posted on December 00, 0000 in Divorce

Along with lack of commitment and arguing, infidelity joins the ranks of the top three reasons a marriage results in divorce. In one survey, up to 55 percent of the those who were divorcing cited that infidelity was among the primary culprits. Marriage counsellors everywhere are always watching for signs of infidelity, stating that it nearly always starts as an emotional affair that results in a physical one. However things progressed to that point, the point is that the couple now intends to split. Can cheating have a large impact on divorce outcomes?

Effects on Divorce

Unlike some other states, Illinois is considered to be a “no fault” state when it comes to dissolution of marriage. The idea that you can divorce each other and you win everything because your spouse cheated does not ring true in most cases in the Land of Lincoln. Beginning in 2016, a divorce can only be granted in the state on the no-fault grounds of irreconcilable differences.

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 Posted on December 00, 0000 in Divorce

While it can no longer be formally cited as grounds for divorce in Illinois, infidelity is still a major problem for many married couples. But, what causes cheating? How can so many people make such a choice when they know that their actions will hurt their partners? As you might expect, those who cheat tend to do so for a variety of reasons, and understanding what they are may help prevent unexpected surprises in your relationship.

Personal Reasons

For some people, the inclination to cheat may be almost hard-wired. Gender, personality, and individual values may make an individual more inclined to be unfaithful. Men are more likely to cheat than women, while those with strong conservative religious and political beliefs are often less likely to commit acts of infidelity.

Relationship Factors

Sociologists and marriage experts suggest that a person who is unhappy or unsatisfied in his or her marriage—consciously or not—may be more prone to cheating. A spouse who feels fulfilled, appreciated, and genuinely happy in the relationship is less likely to seek another source of such feelings. When cheating does occur due to relationship factors, the couple must consider carefully whether or not the marriage is worth saving, because doing so will take a great deal of work.

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 Posted on December 00, 0000 in Divorce

When you are involved in a long-term committed relationship or a marriage—communication is one of the most important keys to happiness. Those who are able to communicate tend to enjoy higher levels of marital satisfaction and a better understanding of one another. Those who cannot or who only speak to one another superficially are likely to find their marriage spiraling quickly toward divorce.

The Concept of Stonewalling

Spouses can easily become frustrated with each other for any number of reasons. The stresses of day-to-day life can begin to drive a wedge between marital partners. Careless behavior, bad habits, and other minor annoyances start to become major issues if and when communication breaks down.

Marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph.D., was the first relationship expert to use the term “stonewalling” to describe the behavior of a spouse who refuses to engage in conversation with his or her partner. Stonewalling, in effect, is one partner shutting down and preventing effective communication from taking place.

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 Posted on December 00, 0000 in Divorce

October is Domestic Awareness Month, and it is important to note that domestic violence is not limited to physical actions like hitting and kicking. In many cases, emotional abuse or psychological abuse can be just as destructive as physical abuse, and can certainly lead to the breakdown of a marriage. In fact, for many years, repeated mental or emotional cruelty was considered grounds for divorce in Illinois. While all divorces in the state must now be on the no-fault grounds of irreconcilable differences, it is still important to be able to recognize such victimization when it occurs. One type of this emotional abuse is referred to as “gaslighting.”

Does your partner often deny any knowledge of events or conversations that you know took place? On the opposite end, does he or she insist things happened which did not? Does he or she accuse you of misremembering past events? Does your partner ever insist that you said or did something of which you have no relocation? If so, you may be a victim of gaslighting.

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 Posted on December 00, 0000 in Divorce

As most people are aware, somewhere between 30 and 40 percent of all marriages today will eventually end in divorce. While this number has declined in recent years, a 60-70 percent success rate for marriage is still not all that encouraging. Marriages can break down for any number of reasons, and, in most cases, divorce is the result of a combination of many factors, some within the spouses’ control and some not.

A Challenging Journey

The process of divorce, however, can be extremely difficult with many decisions to be made and arrangements to be negotiated. This does not even take into account the emotional and psychological struggle that many divorcing individuals go through as the process goes along. The cumulative effect of all of the difficulties can be overwhelming at times, but some experts suggest that there may be a way to ease your mind a little and to provide emotional relief to your spouse at the same time. Confessing, or taking responsibility for wrongs you may have committed, can go a long way in making the divorce process much smoother for the both of you.

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 Posted on December 00, 0000 in Divorce

Do you know a couple who intentionally chose to get married on a particular date based on how the month, day, and year coincided—January 2, 2003, for example, often written as 1/2/03? Or perhaps you know a couple who plan to get married on Valentine’s Day. While such choices are often seen as quirky or romantic, new research suggests that couples who marry on dates that may be considered gimmicky could be at a higher risk for divorce than those who choose more traditional dates.

Australian Study

Economists at the University of Melbourne in Australia were interested in learning more about the impact that a couple’s wedding day could have on the future of the marriage. The team cited previous research suggesting that expensive weddings and pricey engagement rings increased the risk of divorce while well-attended weddings with formal ceremonies decreased such risks. Looking to expand these ideas, the Australian team looked at more than one million Dutch marriages from 1999-2013 and examined how the choice of a wedding date fared for couples on average.

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 Posted on December 00, 0000 in Divorce

When a marriage has reached a certain point, each spouse is at a crossroads of their own. You and your partner have the ability to decide whether to work together on improving the relationship or to admit that nothing more can be done to save the marriage. Obviously, the decision to work on reviving the marriage requires both of you to be on the same page and pulling in the same direction overall. If both of you choose to end the marriage, the divorce process can begin without delay. What happens, however, if you are ready for a divorce but your spouse wants to keep fighting for the relationship?

Be Absolutely Sure

Before you tell your spouse that you are ready for the marriage to be over, you need to be completely certain that is what you want. A divorce is a life-changing event that can lead to serious emotional reactions and psychological effect for years to come. When ending a marriage is necessary, such challenges are an accepted part of seeking new, post-divorce life, but it is not fair to you or your spouse for you to be casual about your decision. Talk to a counselor or a spiritual advisor become making your decision. Remember, if fixing your marriage does not work, divorce will always be an option, but the same is not true in reverse.

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 Posted on December 00, 0000 in Divorce

Nearly every American adult has heard the phrase “irreconcilable differences.” It is used as not only the basis for most divorces—all of them now, under Illinois law—but also as the basis for personnel moves in corporate settings and business decisions. While one might define irreconcilable differences as “agreeing to disagree” writ large, the use of the concept in divorce law is a bit more complex than most people realize.

Due, in large part, to unfamiliarity with the law, many people presume that when the time comes for a couple to cite a reason for their divorce, they simply write “irreconcilable differences” on the appropriate form or document. The reality, however, goes beyond the fact that the couple is struggling to get along, as—despite the commonplace nature of divorce—the state of Illinois still recognizes the importance of the marriage contract.

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 Posted on December 00, 0000 in Divorce

Over the last several decades, American society has become much more accepting of divorce than in previous generations. In fact, one could even argue that it has become too accepted. Many of us now speak of divorce very casually, as if it that is something that happens to just about everyone. The reality is much more painful, however, when you are facing the possibility of your own divorce. It is no longer something that happens all the time; it is a major life event that can have long-term effects on your future and that of your children. If you are considering a divorce, you owe it to yourself, your children, and your spouse to be absolutely certain that you are making the right choice.

The Healing Process

For many individuals faced with a likely divorce, they begin to move on as soon as the process begins. If you definitively tell your spouse that you want a divorce, there is no taking it back. You may change your mind, but if you do, your spouse’s ability to trust your word may be greatly diminished going forward. Do not say you want a divorce until you know it is true. This way, you and your spouse can begin to heal in your own ways, even as the proceedings are ongoing.

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 Posted on December 00, 0000 in Divorce

While it is true that divorce often brings about a great deal of stress and emotional turmoil for the whole family, many divorces can be resolved mutually and peacefully with minimal damage to everyone involved. No one walks out of divorce entirely unschathed, but the overall impact of the negative effects can be significantly reduced when attention is given to certain key areas.

Encouraging a Healthy Divorce

The American Psychological Association (APA) has identified some of these key areas and has made some helpful recommendations, backed by an array of statistical references from various expert studies and surveys. These important suggestions from the APA can help you and your spouse navigate the divorce transition in a way that minimizes the negative impact on the whole family while allowing you to build a balanced foundation for the future.

The APA says the following three factors have large influence on the outcome of a divorce:

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