Recent Blog Posts
Children of Divorce and a Father’s Visitation Rights
If you have children and are considering a divorce, the process will be all the more complicated. Not only will you need to resolve matters of property division, alimony, and the dissolution or separation of a shared business, you will have to determine child custody, visitation rights, and child support payments. It is often assumed that mothers automatically receive full custody, but this is not the case in Illinois. All parents in Illinois are given visitation rights unless it is deemed not in the best interest of the child.
According to the Illinois General Assembly, any parent not awarded custody has a right to see the child as long as the Court does not determine “that visitation would endanger seriously the child’s physical, mental, moral, or emotional health.” Visitation does not necessarily include electronic communication—this is considered separately from actual visitation. Visitation refers to in-person time spent with the child. Electronic communication refers to Skype or other forms of video chatting, electronic mail, or telephone time.
The Basics of No-Fault Divorce in Illinois
In Illinois, according to the Illinois General Assembly, various grounds for divorce include: adultery; the absence of one spouse for at least one year, willfully; habitual drunkenness (or drug use) for at least two consecutive years; being convicted of a felony or other “infamous crime”; attempted murder; bigamy; and impotence.
Illinois, however, is also a no-fault divorce state. This means that a couple can still be legally divorced, even if neither spouse is necessarily found at fault.
Parallel Parenting: When Co-Parenting after a Divorce is Impossible
Several articles have been written with advice on how to co-parent after a divorce. But what if an ex-spouse makes it completely impossible to work together to raise a child?
Anger and resentment play a big part in the reason why an individual is unable to put the needs of children first. Mediation or therapy may even fail to help bridge the gap. The angry parent could go as far as trying to convince other adults in the child’s life—such as teachers, coaches, and friends’ parents—that the ex is an 'awful' person. In ways, it can be a losing battle. But rather than try to continue to co-parent with someone who has no intention to work together, various experts recommend parallel parenting instead.
Parallel parenting is a way of co-parenting by dissociating with the other parent and having as little contact as possible. The benefits of parallel parenting allow the child to enjoy a relationship with both parents. However, the child does not have to deal with the conflict nor is he or she placed in the middle of the parents’ battles.
Does Practice Make Perfect when Remarrying?
“If at first you do not succeed, try, try again.”
While this may be good advice for most things in life, it does not seem to be good advice for those who divorce. The divorce rate for second and third marriages is even more dismal than it is for first marriages. In fact, 67 percent of second marriages fail, and for those that go onto a third marriage, 75 percent can expect to make another trip to divorce court.
There are several theories why subsequent marriages fail. One theory is family dynamics. Often both spouses have children from prior relationships and suddenly there is one big blended family of stepparents and stepchildren. Personality differences and different parenting styles can lead to all types of conflicts. The sense of “family” that often holds first marriages together just does not exist in second and third marriages. Some psychologists also believe that it is easier for couples who have already gone through the breakup of a marriage to walk away from another marriage if they are not happy. They know they can “survive” a divorce, and therefore are not willing to stay in a marriage that is not working for them. One of the most popular theories why subsequent marriages fail is that people get remarried when they still have not completely recovered from their prior marriage. They do not allow themselves to heal or really think about what they want in the future. This is referred to as the “rebound marriage” phenomenon. Conducted research shows that people who marry within one year of a divorce have a very low chance of a lasting new marriage. For someone considering remarriage, there are a few key questions to ask. These include the following:-
Have you allowed yourself enough time to “grieve” your last marriage?
Cheating Women Seek Passion Outside of Marriage
A new study reported by The Huffington Post has discovered that women who cheat on their husbands are not necessarily dissatisfied with their emotional relationships. The study, conducted using data from the spousal cheating site AshleyMadison.com, observed 100 women between the ages of 35 and 45. The collected data revealed that cheating women often had little desire to end their marriages. What they were looking for, however, was sex and renewed passion.
Eric Anderson, a British professor and chief science officer at AshleyMadison.com, noted how sexual monotony is likely the reason that cheating women seek sexual satisfaction outside of their marriage. Emotions had less to do with it. “This is because we get used to and bored of the same body,” noted Anderson.
Divorce and Children: Maintaining a Positive Environment
With nearly 50 percent of American marriages ending in divorce each year, divorce is a common part of the American experience. Regardless, it can be devastating for the family of the divorcing couple—especially if the couple in question has children. This can oftentimes be true not only for the couple’s immediate family, but for the extended family as well. Grandparents on the child’s non-custodial side of the family may have to fight to see the children harder than the parent, and other extended family can sometimes be left out in the cold. Still, divorce is, of course, the most difficult for the children who are faced with their parents’ split.
According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), parents continue to be the most important presence in their children’s lives during and after divorce. Parents may be relieved after a divorce (especially if the marriage was particularly sour), but children “are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to their security,” reports the AACAP. In some cases, a parent may even seek solace from his or her children, which can exacerbate feelings of insecurity and emotional instability. If the parents were on exceptionally bad terms leading up to the divorce and argued often, the child may even feel as if it was his or her fault.
Family Law and Gambling: A Cause and a Catalyst
Gambling in Illinois, and indeed across the country, has never been a bigger problem than it is today. In addition to the harm it can do to any marriage and family in different ways, gambling can also be a cyclical path to self destruction. In fact, studies by the SMR Research Corporation have actually named gambling as the number one source of bankruptcies in America.
From strictly a marital perspective, the effects gambling can have on finances can cause an incredible amount of conflict. Compulsive gamblers will do things such as hide money from their spouse, take large cash advances or loans (both legal and illegal), or in the worst cases cause a bankruptcy. Financial issues are already one of the largest contributors to divorces in America, and adding a gambling addiction can make things much worse.
The Trouble With Spousal Maintenance
Alimony, or spousal maintenance, as it is called in Illinois, is a court-mandated support payment paid from one spouse to the other in a divorce. According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAMA), there are three types of maintenance that may be ordered by the court for one spouse to pay after a divorce. The first is temporary, which is paid until the divorce is finalized. Rehabilitative maintenance is awarded in the event that the supported spouse is capable for finding work or another source of income, until he or she is able to do so. Reviewable maintenance is awarded to the supported spouse and reviewed after a court-mandated period of time to determine if the maintenance is still necessary to be paid the supported spouse.
According to the AAMA, there are several factors that the court uses to determine whether or not a divorcing party qualifies for maintenance. The length of the marriage is one of the top deciding factors, as is the disparity in the earnings of the divorcing parties. Health, age, and social factors (including the ability of either party to secure income after the divorce) are also taken into consideration. To determine whether or not you will likely have to pay or be awarded spousal maintenance after a divorce, it is imperative to consult with a family law attorney.
Bad Marriages Can Cost More Than Divorce
Divorce may seem a financially daunting undertaking, but there is a degree of financial loss associated with a bad marriage that some couples do not take into consideration. The divorce process does carry both known and unexpected costs, but working with an experienced family law attorney can help you to get the most financially out of your divorce and begin your new life financially solvent.
There is no way to quantify the cost of a bad marriage, but the Huffington Post has some tips to watch for if you suspect that your marriage is headed toward dissolution. If you relate to any of the following aspects of your partnership, divorce may be the cheaper solution for both you and your spouse.
The first major factor that makes a bad marriage expensive, according to the Huffington Post, is a lack of coordination and communication. If you and your spouse are unable to communicate effectively, it can have a serious negative effect on your finances. An obvious example of this is that you both draw from a joint checking account at the same time, incurring overdraft fees and lack of available money for bill-paying and other household expenses. A more extreme example of this would be a failure to effectively coordinate a retirement plan or tax deductions. While marriage counseling is usually advisable to divorce at the beginning of marital problems, drawing out unproductive therapy sessions can be akin to tossing cold hard cash down the drain.
3 Tips for Speaking With a Child About Divorce
Divorce is a relatively common occurrence in modern America. In fact, some school districts comprise more divorced couples than married ones.
Still, the normality of an ending marriage does not lessen the burden on children, especially when there are disagreements regarding child custody. As a parent, it is tough to know how to approach communicating with your child about divorce. If handled improperly, the process of divorce can severely impact a child’s well-being.
The American Sociological Review reports that approximately 50 percent of children will experience a divorce. In fact, as remarriage rates continue to increase, 25 percent of these children will undergo at least two divorces.
Although divorce can be a traumatic, emotionally trying experience for children, there are ways to ease the burden by helping the child make a healthy adjustment to the new family arrangement. This article will introduce three tips that can help prepare parents to discuss the divorce with their children.