What if I Suspect My Child Is Being Maliciously Coached?

 Posted on August 09, 2024 in Child Custody

Far too often, children are dragged into a couple’s contentious divorce. One parent may even "coach" a child into saying something untrue about the other parent to get a better divorce settlement or a better custody agreement. This is sometimes known as "malicious coaching" and can also fall under parental alienation. Not only can malicious coaching destroy the relationship between the child and the falsely accused parent, but it can also teach children to be dishonest and manipulative.

When malicious coaching occurs, the child's feelings of love for both parents can be harmed. If you believe your child is being maliciously coached by his or her other parent, it is essential that you relay your concerns to your St. Charles, IL, child custody lawyer. Manipulation of a child is never okay, and your attorney will know how to bring the issue to light in the best way possible.

What Is Malicious Coaching?

When a parent or caregiver deliberately encourages a child to make false allegations of abuse against the other parent, it is usually for personal gain or revenge. Perhaps the parent coaching the child wants spousal support or a bigger share of the marital assets. Or it could be entirely about the allocation of parental responsibility.

If the parent wants full custody of the child, they might encourage the child to say the other parent abused them as a way of getting what they want. Regardless of the reason, malicious coaching is a form of emotional abuse that can have long-lasting consequences for the falsely accused and for the child.

How Does a Parent Persuade a Child to Make False Statements?

Children want to please their parents, so it is not as difficult as you might think to convince a child to make false statements about a parent. The coaching parent might do the following:

• Telling the child over and over that abuse or mistreatment occurred.
• Asking the child to say complimentary things about the coaching parent or not to tell certain things that would make the parent look bad in court.
• Instead of allowing the child to be honest when answering questions asked by a social worker, psychiatrist, or other court-mandated person, the coaching parent "helps" the child form opinions that will affect the case.
• Consistently "bad-mouthing" the other parent or the professionals involved in the case to sway the child’s perceptions and feelings.
• Making the child rehearse what to say to a professional, i.e., directly telling them what to say and what not to say.

How Malicious Coaching Can Hurt the Child

Despite the level of planning that often goes into coaching parents' behaviors, most professionals can see through the coaching, and a judge will not look favorably upon such behavior. The child may never forget the feeling of being caught in the middle between their parents, unable to feel safe while answering honestly. Parents and child abuse professionals should approach cases of suspected malicious coaching sensitively.

The last thing the falsely accused parent wants is to make the child feel even worse, so it is imperative that professionals be involved. Professionals will often look at the structure of the child’s statements. If those statements involve a very specific format, with the same words being used consistently, coaching is likely. If the child clearly sounds as though they are "parroting" an adult, this means the child is repeating what they have been told to say without really understanding the meaning.

Malicious coaching of a child to make false allegations against a parent they love is abuse and should be approached as such. Older children are generally less suggestible than younger children, although this is not always the case. Older children who desperately want to please the coaching parent may follow their lead even though they are more likely to know it is wrong.  

Contact a Kane County, IL Child Custody Lawyer

When you choose an attorney from The Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C., you will benefit from their experience with troubled youth, a focus on mediation and collaborative divorce, and a goal of making the process of child custody and divorce easier and more cordial. Family law issues are already emotional, and when one party is doing their best to make the process more difficult by coaching a child, the allocation of parental responsibility can quickly become even more contentious. Choosing an Aurora, IL child custody lawyer to be a strong advocate for you and your child is one of the most important things you can do. Contact The Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C. at 630-409-8184 to schedule a meeting.