Why Staying Married for the Children May Not Be the Best Idea

 Posted on December 00,0000 in Children of divorce

Actress Katherine Hepburn was once quoted as saying, “Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.” It seems wherever there is a marriage, be it between a man and a woman or a same-sex marriage, there will inevitably be trials and challenges. Human beings are such a complicated composite of thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, and baggage from past experiences. When two human beings decide to join their messy lives in marriage, problems and arguments will almost certainly arise.

Many couples stay in marriages full of deceit and conflict because they have children. Couples who were once happy and planned on a life raising their kids together often cannot imagine putting those same children through the pain of a divorce. Still, how should a couple decide when enough is enough? When do the arguments and fights reach a level that makes it unhealthy for the marriage to continue, especially when children are involved?

Unhealthy Marriage May Lead to Unhealthy Children

A study from Cardiff University highlights the negative effects of spousal conflict on growing children.  Researcher Dr. Gordon Harold explains, "When children are threatened at an emotional level they're showing increases in negative symptoms such as depression, anxiety, aggression, hostility." Marital fighting can either be overt and include things like physical altercations and yelling or most subtle like giving the “silent treatment” or glaring at a spouse. Children raised in homes where there is conflict will pick up on the unhappiness of their parents and may start acting out in order to gain their parents’ attention. Such children may also start having more problems in school or pick up unacceptable behaviors at home.

Benefits of Divorce

Although experts agree that every effort should be made to save a failing marriage, for some couples it is just not possible to continue together. In these cases, many parents may be surprised to learn that their children are actually relieved when the adults split. When fighting parents separate, they are able to be themselves, maybe for the first time in their child’s life. The parents are free to focus more attention on their relationship with their children and give the children the attention they crave. Of course, it is important to remember that your children will be adjusting to a huge change and will require extra compassion during the transition.

Contact a Lawyer

If your marriage is reaching a breaking point, only you and your spouse can decide if divorce is the right choice. An experienced DuPage County divorce attorney can help you through the process if you do decide to split up, and we will remain at your side every step of the way. Call 630-409-8184 to schedule your confidential consultation today.

Sources:

http://www.today.com/parents/should-you-stay-together-kids-2D80555153

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AmericanFamily/story?id=127000&page=1