How to Keep a Combative Spouse from Creating a High-Conflict Divorce

 Posted on March 19, 2021 in Divorce

In many divorces, there is some level of contention or resistance between the spouses. In some cases, this can manifest in the form of simple disagreements during negotiations. In other cases, this contention stems from a combative and in some cases, potentially even narcissistic spouse. High-conflict divorces are not only stressful for the entire family, but they also turn into legal marathons that require a lot of time and can end up costing quite a bit of money. If you are contemplating divorce and you suspect your spouse may be difficult during the divorce process, there are things that you can do to try to keep your divorce as amicable as possible.

Is Your Spouse a High-Conflict Person?

Before you even begin the divorce process, you should have a good idea of whether or not your spouse is going to be agreeable during the divorce. In most cases, the spouses who act the worst during divorce already have underlying personality or mood disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder. Classic signs and symptoms of a high-conflict personality include:

• An all or nothing attitude

• Intense emotions or feelings that they cannot seem to manage appropriately

• Extreme behavior or threats

• Preoccupied with blaming others for their issues

Working Around a High-Conflict Spouse

Although a conflict-free divorce would be ideal, uncontested divorce with a high-conflict spouse is likely not going to happen. Instead of going into your divorce with the mindset that you need to prevent conflict from happening, you should enter the proceedings prepared with strategies to keep the conflicts that do come up small and manageable. Here are a few practical ways you can run conflict control during your divorce:

• Minimize contact and set boundaries. The easiest way you can decrease a lot of conflict is by decreasing the amount of contact you have with your spouse. Only communicate when you have to. Additionally, setting additional rules, such as only corresponding through text or email, can help keep the conflict small as well.

• Focus on the present. People with high-conflict personalities like to argue with others and during your divorce, you will be their subject of choice. During negotiations, focus on the issues currently at hand in front of you, even if your spouse tries to drag up old issues from the past. This is a distraction technique to get you upset, but remaining calm is key to avoiding a large conflict.

• Keep records of everything. During high-conflict divorces, it is not uncommon for a high-conflict spouse to attempt to lie at some point during the process. They may even go so far as to attempt to conceal assets or other information from you during the discovery phase. To protect your interests, you should keep records of everything from now on -- anything you file with the court or fill out related to the divorce, any correspondence you have with your spouse, and even anything related to your children. If your spouse attempts to hide anything, you will have proof.

Our Oswego Divorce Lawyer Is Here to Help

Going through any divorce is unpleasant, but filing for divorce with a high-conflict spouse can be particularly difficult and distressing. At the Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C., we have more than 15 years of experience helping all types of clients negotiate fair divorce agreements. To schedule a consultation with our accomplished Kendall County divorce attorney, call our office today at 630-409-8184.

Sources:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-therapists-dont-tell_b_2622776

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201605/13-essential-tips-if-you-are-divorcing-narcissist

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/201911/keep-the-conflict-small-4-tips-avoid-high-conflict