4 Helpful Tips to Follow if You Are Divorcing a Narcissist in Illinois

 Posted on January 30, 2020 in Divorce

When you think of the word “narcissist,” you may think of someone who is completely obsessed with his or her looks, who is a know-it-all, and who believes they can do no wrong. While this definition is certainly not false, narcissism is an actual clinical mental illness, characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a sense of entitlement, and an unwillingness to display empathy for others. Divorcing a narcissist is an entirely different ballgame than divorcing a mentally stable person, because a narcissist will take every opportunity he or she can to make the process as difficult as possible. Having an experienced attorney on your side who is skilled in dealing with highly contentious divorces is essential to surviving your divorce. Here are a few other tips to help if you are divorcing a narcissistic spouse:

1. Understand Your Spouse Is Not Going to Play Fair

You want to believe that your spouse would never do anything to hurt you or your children. Sadly, a narcissist who is going through a divorce will often do whatever he or she can to cause you pain and suffering. Your spouse will do all that is in his or her power to “win” and will aim to make your life as miserable as possible. He or she will try to wear you down on certain issues, so it is critical that you stay strong and do not back down on matters that are important to you

2. Stop Trying to Be Nice

Many divorces are fairly amicable, with both spouses being able to work together somewhat to get through the divorce. If you are divorcing a narcissist, this probably not going to be the best approach. Your spouse is not going to play nice, so you should not waste your time being pleasant, either. You should be aggressive in your approach when it comes to dividing your assets fairly and determining spousal support, parenting time and parental decision-making responsibilities. Negotiation and mediation may not work since a narcissist always believes he or she is right and is usually not willing to compromise.

3. Document Any and All Contact With Your Spouse

A narcissist will also likely try to manipulate you during the divorce process. He or she will take everything you say and try to twist your words around to better suit his or her agenda. He or she will attempt to make you look like the bad guy. If you must talk with your spouse directly, you should only communicate with each other in a way that can be documented, whether that is through email, text, or even recording a voice conversation (be sure to let your spouse know that you are recording him or her since it is illegal to make a recording of a person without his or her permission). This way, you will have visual or audio proof of what was actually said during the conversation.

4. Hire a St. Charles Divorce Lawyer 

If you are divorcing a narcissistic spouse, you should be fully prepared for conflict. Narcissists have no issue with using people to get what they want, including your children. At the Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C., we can help you finalize your divorce proceedings while protecting your rights to marital property, child and spousal support, and parenting time. Call our skilled Kane County division of property lawyers today at 630-409-8184 to schedule a consultation.

Sources:

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/divorcing-a-narcissist-how-to-survive-it-successfully/

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/8-simple-rules-when-divorcing-a-narcissist_b_5a31c967e4b0b73dde46aa0 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201605/13-essential-tips-if-you-are-divorcing-narcissist