How to Co-Parent While Still Living in the Same House | IL

 Posted on September 23, 2024 in Life After Divorce

As if co-parenting after divorce were not difficult enough, some parents are forced to continue to live in the same home, whether due to limited financial resources or because they are allowing the children time to adapt to the divorce. How do you occupy the same space you once shared with your spouse as a family and make it work?

Perhaps one of you received the house during the division of assets, which can make your situation even more awkward.  While you might imagine your life will now be filled with silence, icy stares, or arguments, you could be surprised to find that there are certain benefits to your current circumstances.

Even if your ex is now living across the hall, and even if you just went through an extremely contentious divorce, there are ways to make this work. When you and your ex (or the judge) determined the allocation of parental responsibilities, you were likely thinking about how it would work from two different houses. An Aurora, IL, allocation of parental responsibilities lawyer can offer compassion and resources to help you get through this time in the best way possible.

Prepare for the Situation – Never Just "Wing It"

If you and your ex have determined that you must live in the same house, at least temporarily, you must sit down together and work out the details. When you fail to properly plan for what could, at the very least, be an uncomfortable few months, the uncertainty adds tension, stress, anxiety, and misunderstandings.  As you discuss the logistics, do not forget to answer the following questions:

• How long will you and your ex be living in the same home?

• How will childcare tasks be divided?

• How will your finances be separated?

• If there are disagreements, how will you shield the children from them?

• What are the practical living arrangements, i.e., where will you both sleep, and how will you split household tasks?

• How will the expectations you have of one another based on your marriage need to be adjusted?

•  How will information about your living arrangements be shared with your children?

One of the benefits mentioned above includes giving your children a little time to adjust to the divorce before also having separate households and new schedules. You and your ex will also have time to adjust to being co-parents during this time by getting used to the concept of parenting solo while trying out time-sharing.  

Avoid Doing What You Have Always Done as a Family

Giving your children time to accept the divorce by remaining in the same home could inadvertently give them false hope about their parents reuniting. Be clear with them about the reasons you are remaining in the same house and tell them what your timetable is for obtaining separate homes. If you are certain divorce was the best thing for you and your children, even though you are living in the same house, it is essential that you make things different.  

Cultivate new skills and routines. Perhaps you previously oversaw bathtime every night. At some point, your ex will be parenting on his or her own, so hand over the bathtime routine, at least some nights. The same goes for homework, breakfast routines, and bedtime. Mix it up and make it different to prepare your children for how it will be. If you were a stay-at-home parent, take a class, learn a new skill, or seek employment in a field you enjoy.  

Contact a Kane County, IL Allocation of Parental Responsibilities Lawyer

While you may be dealing with an unexpected turn of events, remind yourself that it is temporary. You still have plenty of time to start your new life. When you have chosen a compassionate, skilled North Aurora, IL child custody attorney, you can count on support and knowledge. Attorney Matthew M. Williams focuses on mediation and collaborative divorce to make the process easier and more amicable. Contact The Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C. at 630-409-8184 to set up a meeting to discuss your issues.